Izzy. Izzy. Izzy.

This is the last picture of him that I took with my Blackberry camera. It was on June 23, 2013.

I remember how overjoyed I was to see him finally sleeping so peacefully that I really was afraid to wake him up when I took this picture. And I remember I showed it to Rio and Cello and told them that he's my precious. And he will always be.

He died last Saturday, June 29, 2013 at 3 in the morning. He was 8 years old and we know he was sick.

I got this feeling, a weird feeling, like I felt so sad and whenever I felt kinda happy, it just felt wrong. And I just realized that this is the one called premonition. I really didn't know.

I told my sister just a few hours before, "I know you're so tired but, please, take him to the vet tomorrow, because the cough's getting worst." And I can't take him myself because I got a class I have to attend.

And I even told Cello how I felt this weird feeling that I was so sad and afraid. I didn't tell him that I meant I was really afraid of losing Izzy.

I finally fell asleep at about half past one in the morning. Izzy was sleeping in my maid's room. My sister hadn't even seen him since she got back from Bandung. But my maid woke us up and tell us Izzy acted so strange and so weak. My sister took him to her arms and I just sat beside them. I wondered would he survived until we take him to the vet because his tongue was no longer red, it was so pale. But then she answered my unspoken question and said that he's dead.

You know that feeling when you feel like suddenly the world feels worse than it already is? When you feel like there's nothing else to do in your life? And you just feel lost and really have no idea what to do and finally sit there alone and ask, "Now what?"

He's my everything. And when you lost your everything, what would you get?

I made him a mini friendship bracelet. It was finished on June 2, 2013. He usually hate when we make him wear something that's bothering, but he didn't do anything to the bracelet I tied on one of his cute little legs. Maybe he knew that I made it with all my love. It's colorful just like how he made my life so colorful since he entered my life. But he liked running around and on the next day I found his bracelet on the terrace outside my house. I remember tweeted, "Izzy can't really keep a mini friendship bracelet I made for him, but he can really keep my heart." ♥

And then I kept that special mini friendship bracelet in my bag and brought it all the time because I was afraid he's going to lose it again.

On the day that he died, I tied it again on one of his cute little legs and I just knew he's not going to lose it anymore. I just want him to wear it all the time so that he knows how much I love him.

I remember I tweeted like this on June 13, 2013 at 1.41 AM :

We always think that he is the gratify trouble. A trouble we would like to have. I miss him already......

My sister hugged him until his body got so stiff. And we cried our eyes out until the sun came and we planned to buried him somewhere. I chose not to go with them and just attended my class because I didn't think I have the heart to let him go. I didn't even take a picture of him because I don't want to remember him that way. I want to remember the way he run, smile, bark, sleep, lick my face, greet me every time I got home, pissed when I gave him less attention, put that kind of face when he's begging for something I'm eating, take almost everything I gave him in his mouth and carry it around, run in circles when I open the door because he wanted to go outside, try to come with me every time I'm about to go somewhere, came to me when he amazingly knew that I'm sad, and everything else that he has done to me, taught me, and touched my heart in a way that no one else can ever do.

He's the best. He watched me cry and listened to me whining so many times but he never judge me. What else can I ask from a best bud?

He saved me from myself. And you still asked me why he becomes the most important thing in my life?

When the world thought that I can't, he came to me and licked my cheek. And suddenly the world seems to be a pretty good place to live in.

So many people broke my heart so many times. But him? Not even a little.